Beauty from Ashes

So, for a while I have been considering starting a blog for friends and family to be updated on how treatment is going.  I've weighed the pros and cons (no pun intended), and I have finally decided to give it a shot.  I am not the best writer, but my goal for this blog is that people can gain insight and understanding about how serious eating disorders are and also to share my journey with you all.  I believe God is going to bring "beauty from these ashes" and turn this nightmare into something that will bring glory to Him.

I don't know how many times I have been told I should just "eat a cheeseburger and get over [myself]" or "just hang around me for a while, Sarah, and you'll gain some weight."  I've also heard the "I wish I had as much self-control around food like you so I could lose a few lbs" and "what's your secret?"  See, the truth is,  anorexia is hell.  Eating disorders are not fad diets or a way to get attention. In fact, it's really not about the food.  It's about the feelings underneath.  The pain that women, men, and yes, children, hide behind their painted-on masks.  We just take it out on the food.  To a normal person, this makes no sense.  Plenty of people have told me over the years that they just want to shake me and tell me to eat.  I know what I'm doing to my body and I WANT help.  PRAISE GOD I am getting help right now.  I hope that through my honesty in these blogs, you can gain a better understanding of the disease.
    
I also believe in an ALMIGHT GOD who has the power to save.  Even though I have been in bondage for seven years, I believe He will bring something good out of this hell.  And so my second purpose of this blog is to chart my progress and in turn, glorify God.

Thanks for joining me on my journey.

I wanted this site to have a name, and I thought of a song that seems to fit well.  It's "Beauty from Pain" by Superchic[k].  Please listen to it if you get a chance!

"Beauty From Pain"

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought BEAUTY FROM ASHES
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain