A Lesson in Love......and Grace

Monday was Valentine's Day. By the time you, my faithful followers, read this, it will probably have been two Mondays ago. I'm rabbit-trailing already. All you need to know was that Valentine's Day was this week. Ok...re-focus.
So this week, God has been showing me how much I am loved, and I am blown away. He has used a bunch of people whom I both do and don't know, to remind me. Monday morning, all 30 something of us girls were given hand-made Valentines from a local church. Then at night, we got more hand-made Valentines from a DIFFERENT church group. And THEN another church group came and gave us each a balloon and a goodie bag. They even presonalized the balloons with our names. Then the next day, we each got more goodie bags from the church we go to, Sunset Christian Center. AND THEN (yes, there's MORE!), a lady from Sunset brought us thirty four DOZEN roses. Thirty four DOZEN. We were so blessed this week! To top it off, I got nearly 20 cards on Valentine's Day and more on the days to follow. A very sweet friend of mine sent me beautiful flowers and a purse that she crocheted for me. And then the box that gave me the biggest smile......I ran around the house showing off it's contents to EVERYONE. The box was from my Valentine. My Valentine is the cutest boy in the entire world. He's a stud, let me tell you. He has such a big smile and I love him so much. My godson, Chaysen James Conklin. There were pictures of him holding a bear and then he (and Lauren..hahah) sent the bear to me. Future Valentine's have a high standard to meet. If you haven't seen this little boy, go look at pictures on facebook. Your heart will melt, and if it doesn't, you don't have a heart. True story.
So in the meantime, God has been saying, "Hey Sarah, wake UP! I love you. Not only that, but I actually LIKE you, too." It's such a SIMPLE yet profound concept. The Creator of the universe loves....me.
Which brings me to grace. I realize I am a stinkin' mess of a human being. You are, too. Sorry if I bursted your bubble. But think about it, we don't deserve God's love, but he FREELY gives it to us. Grace. AMAZING GRACE.
So my big issue is accepting that grace. I know I don't deserve it, so I work really hard to "earn" it. Or I punish myself because I know I don't deserve it. (enter eating disorder and self-harm.) Neither option is getting me anywhere. So I've spent the last week really reflecting on this GIFT. God couldn't love me anymore or any less. It's not what I do, it's who I am in Christ.
Those are my thoughts for this week. Last little update for you, since I've said I would update ya'll on the ups and downs on my journey. Notice how I said "ya'll?" I'm living with girls from all over the country. I'm praying I don't come home saying "hecka." Anyways, I'm working through a lot of stuff, and I take it out on the food. So lately, because I've been dealing with a million emotions, meals have become even HARDER. Last night, for example, we had a dinner that could be considered a staple in the American diet, but to me, it's one of the "scariest" foods I could eat. I ate it, but let me tell you, I sobbed. It was one of those pathetic, shoulder-heaving, mascara-down-the-face, I want-my-mamma kind of sobs. It was embarassing. Thankfully, a lot of the girls here understand because they've dealt with the same thing. Anyways, my whole point in telling you all this is because I need some prayer. Please pray along with me. Pray for endurance, because this is a long, draining, every-day battle. But I'm in it to WIN IT.

Love, Sarah.

PRAYER OF HOPE

To all the peolple I've met along my journey....my Remuda lovelies, my ABC girls, my EDIOP ladies, my BHC ladies and gents, Adult 1 and Adult 2 folk, and my KMHC peeps:

YOU ARE ON MY HEART TONIGHT. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU PEACE, PERSERVERENCE, AND HOPE. ALTHOUGH WE DIDN'T MEET IN THE BEST CIRCUMSTANCES, I'M THANKFUL THAT WE HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET. WHETHER WE JUST KNOW EACH OTHER BY NAME OR WE SHARED OUR HURTS AND HOPES, I'M PRAYING FOR YOU. I CARE ABOUT YOU. AND EACH ONE OF YOU DESERVES TO LIVE IN FREEDOM. MAY YOU FIND THAT FREEDOM AS YOU PRESS IN TO GOD. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU DESERVE FREEDOM. TO THOSE WHO BECAME FRIENDS OR SISTERS, I LOVE YOU AND AM THANKFUL FOR YOU. KEEP GOING! TO THE WONDERFUL LADIES I HAVE COME TO KNOW OUTSIDE OF A PROGRAM (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I AM PRAYING FOR YOU, TOO. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU ENDURANCE FOR THE DAYS YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP. I PRAY FOR PEACE WHEN THINGS GET OVERWHELIMING AND THAT NASTLY LITTLE F WORD POPS INTO YOUR MIND. (F FOR FAT, OF COURSE.....GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. SHEESH!)
AND I PRAY FOR FIESTY-NESS TO COME OUT SWINGING!

LOVE, SARAH

ALL THAT I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW

I'm keeping this blog entry short and simple. This program is tough, and I really want to give up and go home. I have little energy to fight. But I give all that I have because I want freedom more. There's a song that's been re-playing in my head the last few days that I thought I'd share. Look it up and listen.

All That I Can Say....David Crowder

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, thats my everything

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.

Love, Sarah