This week has been exciting. It's been tough, but I've had several victories!
1. I ate dessert....That's a BIG DEAL!
2. I got off "couch" (after meal monitoring). Now I have so much freedom! Finally! Everyone else who came after me and was put on couch was getting off after a week or two. I think it's safe to say that after being on couch for 3 months, I've done my time!
3. I had my 90 day evaluation and it went so well ! I found out I'll be back home in time for fall semester! Yay! I've missed school SO MUCH!
4. Today (4/16) I had my first non-diet soda in almost 4 years! I was trying to think of the last time I had "real" soda and I remembered it was when my feeding tube was clogged so they had to pump coke through it. It was forced and I was not a happy camper. But I did this today, on my own decision, to challenge myself! Dude, I'm proud of myself! haha. If you haven't struggled with an eating disorder, it may not sound like a big deal, but holy crap! Trust me! It is! It tasted ok but I still like the taste of diet better. I'm just glad I tried it.
So......I feel like I'm finally getting my life back!! YAY.
One frustration has to do with my ankle. Here at Mercy we get to go to the gym a few times a week, which is great because I finally am learning appropriate exercise. So I've been trying out the treadmill and it's beyond exciting because for years I was not allowed to exercise and I was physically incapable of running. My body just couldn't handle it. So anyways, I've been running lately, but my ankle has been hurting afterwards and sometimes has been snapping. It's disappointing because i'm finally able to do something and now I'm being told to take a break. I'm going to the doctor soon...we'll see what happens.
Right now, the step in counseling I'm on is quite challenging, so please keep me in your prayers. I just want to keep going forward. I'm finally excited and hopeful for my future. God is good.
If you have been writing me, thank you so much. It's so helpful and it totally makes my day. Love you guys.
LOVE, SARAH MICHELLE
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
WHY "POWERFUL WHISPER" DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN OXYMORON
1 Kings 19:11-12... "The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks....but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a GENTLE WHISPER."
I haven't written a blog in a few weeks because I have been so depressed. I just got the wind knocked out of me, fell down, and couldn't manage to get back up. At times it was scary. At others, it was a bit pitiful. I could barely function. Soon I was convinced that there was no hope. I've walked out of treatment centers before feeling confident only to fall down again and relapse even harder than before. So in my questioning God (mainly, what's different about this time this place?), I told Him He had to show me in an UNDENIABLY HUGE way that there was hope and that I should stay at Mercy. I was looking for God in the wind, the earthquake, the fire. But He wasn't there. So this past week, I walked in the program director's office and told her I wanted to pack my bags. I was DONE. Apparently she wasn't quite convinced, so the next day I "took a walk" with the nutrition manager. She tried to talk some sense into me, but I wouldn't have it....I'm a bit stubborn. I decided I'd talk to my counselor. She knew me best anyways- she would understand that there was no point in me staying if I didn't want to be here anymore. She had left for the day, so I decided until she came the next day I would journal and read one of my weekly assignments. (sidenote: Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning's sequel to the Ragamuffin Gospel- another must-read.) And as I journaled, I realized that (this is a "duh" moment) I had idolized anorexia. Everything I did, everything I thought about, could be traced back to anorexia. I'm not saying I LIKED being anorexic- let me make that clear. Anorexia is hell and I certainly did not choose to be anorexic. But it had become my safety, my norm, my familiarity, so I did make choices to follow it's "rules" over God's.
So my counselor came the next day and I told her flat out that I was leaving. I read her part of my journal, thinking she'd come to see that I really intended to leave, and she said, "Ok, it's time to break this idol." So we prayed over it, and it was so powerful, but I still wasn't 100% convinced.
Ironically, after that it was lunchtime. So I went downstairs, ate, and then went to sit on the couch where I'm monitored for an hour after meals. I opened my bible to Job and I found the perfect verse and I started crying:
Job 36:15-16 "But those who suffer, He delivers in their suffering; He speakes to them in their affliction. He is WOOING you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place FREE FROM RESTRICTION, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food."
So simple, yet so powerful. God is wooing me from my pain, free from restriction (I realize I'm taking the restriction part out of context a bit, but still....food restriction or not....POWERFUL.) God is crazy good. I was looking for Him in the "wind, earthquake, and fire" but He came in a gentle yet powerful WHISPER.
Whether you believe in God or not, if you were to see me right now, you would see a difference. I believe that difference is God. Everyone here can't believe how hopeful and at peace I am. Weekend staff came in and took double-takes because I looked ALIVE...so different from the hopeless, lethargic girl they had seen the weekend before.
This week God has also reminded me of the power of prayer. I was praying, my mercy "sisters" were praying, and people at home had been praying. What I think was coolest of all is that my mom had been praying over me every day, several times a day, this week. She used Romans 15:13 and prayed, "May the God of hope fill (Sarah) with all joy and peace as (Sarah) trusts in Him, so that (Sarah) may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" I am so thankful for my prayer warrior mama and for a God who LISTENS.
Now I realize that there will still be tough days and I still have scary things to face. But now instead of digging my heels in the ground, I'm ready to look my demons right in the eyes.
One last thing I wanted to write about....our church, Sunset Christian Center, is awesome. The band is INCREDIBLE. One of the worship leaders comes to the house about once a month. He shared with us a song that they wrote for us Mercy gals and it is so cool. Anyway, they won this contest and got to open for Mercy Me, one of today's biggest Christian bands. The song grabbed the attention of the 10,000 concert attendees and even Nancy Alcorn, the founder of Mercy, and can now be purchased on iTunes. Look for it! I believe it's called "The Flood Song." (although we like to call it the Mercy song.)
May the God of hope fill you all with joy and peace this week.
Love, Sarah Michelle
PS. For those of you who pray, please be praying for all the faithful people who give their money to Mercy. It costs so much to keep this 22,000 square foot house running and to provide for 40 women. And to think there are OTHER Mercy houses and houses continuing to be built! Sheesh! I am so thankful for this incredible opportunity for new life and for our faithful financial partners that make it possible. If you are looking for some ministry to help, please visit mercyministries.com. Pray about it. Who knows the difference you could make....
PSS...Today I BOUNDED up the stairs, two at a time. I got to the top and realized that a year ago, (even a few months ago) before I was hospitalized, I could hardly walk uup a flight of stairs because I was so weak.
just added.....youtube link of the band Kindom Band that sings The Flood. <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/rWgcymy6R5Y" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I haven't written a blog in a few weeks because I have been so depressed. I just got the wind knocked out of me, fell down, and couldn't manage to get back up. At times it was scary. At others, it was a bit pitiful. I could barely function. Soon I was convinced that there was no hope. I've walked out of treatment centers before feeling confident only to fall down again and relapse even harder than before. So in my questioning God (mainly, what's different about this time this place?), I told Him He had to show me in an UNDENIABLY HUGE way that there was hope and that I should stay at Mercy. I was looking for God in the wind, the earthquake, the fire. But He wasn't there. So this past week, I walked in the program director's office and told her I wanted to pack my bags. I was DONE. Apparently she wasn't quite convinced, so the next day I "took a walk" with the nutrition manager. She tried to talk some sense into me, but I wouldn't have it....I'm a bit stubborn. I decided I'd talk to my counselor. She knew me best anyways- she would understand that there was no point in me staying if I didn't want to be here anymore. She had left for the day, so I decided until she came the next day I would journal and read one of my weekly assignments. (sidenote: Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning's sequel to the Ragamuffin Gospel- another must-read.) And as I journaled, I realized that (this is a "duh" moment) I had idolized anorexia. Everything I did, everything I thought about, could be traced back to anorexia. I'm not saying I LIKED being anorexic- let me make that clear. Anorexia is hell and I certainly did not choose to be anorexic. But it had become my safety, my norm, my familiarity, so I did make choices to follow it's "rules" over God's.
So my counselor came the next day and I told her flat out that I was leaving. I read her part of my journal, thinking she'd come to see that I really intended to leave, and she said, "Ok, it's time to break this idol." So we prayed over it, and it was so powerful, but I still wasn't 100% convinced.
Ironically, after that it was lunchtime. So I went downstairs, ate, and then went to sit on the couch where I'm monitored for an hour after meals. I opened my bible to Job and I found the perfect verse and I started crying:
Job 36:15-16 "But those who suffer, He delivers in their suffering; He speakes to them in their affliction. He is WOOING you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place FREE FROM RESTRICTION, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food."
So simple, yet so powerful. God is wooing me from my pain, free from restriction (I realize I'm taking the restriction part out of context a bit, but still....food restriction or not....POWERFUL.) God is crazy good. I was looking for Him in the "wind, earthquake, and fire" but He came in a gentle yet powerful WHISPER.
Whether you believe in God or not, if you were to see me right now, you would see a difference. I believe that difference is God. Everyone here can't believe how hopeful and at peace I am. Weekend staff came in and took double-takes because I looked ALIVE...so different from the hopeless, lethargic girl they had seen the weekend before.
This week God has also reminded me of the power of prayer. I was praying, my mercy "sisters" were praying, and people at home had been praying. What I think was coolest of all is that my mom had been praying over me every day, several times a day, this week. She used Romans 15:13 and prayed, "May the God of hope fill (Sarah) with all joy and peace as (Sarah) trusts in Him, so that (Sarah) may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" I am so thankful for my prayer warrior mama and for a God who LISTENS.
Now I realize that there will still be tough days and I still have scary things to face. But now instead of digging my heels in the ground, I'm ready to look my demons right in the eyes.
One last thing I wanted to write about....our church, Sunset Christian Center, is awesome. The band is INCREDIBLE. One of the worship leaders comes to the house about once a month. He shared with us a song that they wrote for us Mercy gals and it is so cool. Anyway, they won this contest and got to open for Mercy Me, one of today's biggest Christian bands. The song grabbed the attention of the 10,000 concert attendees and even Nancy Alcorn, the founder of Mercy, and can now be purchased on iTunes. Look for it! I believe it's called "The Flood Song." (although we like to call it the Mercy song.)
May the God of hope fill you all with joy and peace this week.
Love, Sarah Michelle
PS. For those of you who pray, please be praying for all the faithful people who give their money to Mercy. It costs so much to keep this 22,000 square foot house running and to provide for 40 women. And to think there are OTHER Mercy houses and houses continuing to be built! Sheesh! I am so thankful for this incredible opportunity for new life and for our faithful financial partners that make it possible. If you are looking for some ministry to help, please visit mercyministries.com. Pray about it. Who knows the difference you could make....
PSS...Today I BOUNDED up the stairs, two at a time. I got to the top and realized that a year ago, (even a few months ago) before I was hospitalized, I could hardly walk uup a flight of stairs because I was so weak.
just added.....youtube link of the band Kindom Band that sings The Flood. <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/rWgcymy6R5Y" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
NIAGRA FALLS
Today, March 11, is my 2 month "Mercy-versary". I can't believe I'm at the 2 month mark. Time seems to have flown by AND dragged on at the same time.
I was able to go on my first pass last weekend. My parents and sister came up for the weekend and it was SO GOOD to just spend time with them. I got to get out for a little while, chew gum, drink coffee, and diet- mountain dew and watch a few episodes of Glee on the hotel tv. I was super proud of myself and here's why- we had to eat out all weekend, which is a huge challenge for me. It's hard to eat out for one meal, but I did it Friday through Sunday! And I'm proud to say I've graduated from lettuce and diet coke to salad (with dressing and chicken) and diet coke. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was. Maybe next time I'll even venture awaway from salads. (reminder...you even had pancakes at Ihop......mom).
This week has had it's highs and lows but there's not much to report. I still feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. You would think with all the other times I've been in treatment I'd "get the hang of it," but no, that doesn't happen. Some people have asked me if it's like being at camp. I don't know what kind of camps you've been to, but my memories of camp don't include doctors, nurses, feeding tubes, therapy, holds, and Code 3's. Here, meltdowns are normal- daily even, as are tantrums and fainting.
Being in a house of 30-something women dealing with real hurts is tough, overwhelming, draining. You feel for for the girl who is in the corner crying because it may have been you the day before. It's hard enough to be hurting- but to see several dozen other girls hurting? It makes my heart hurt. One quote I found this week that helps me: "At least this pain is that of recovery-the other (pain) was a dead-end." So I will keep fighting, because I trust that the battle has already been won, thanks to what Jesus did for me. ANd I will reflect on this incredible quote from The Ragamuffin Gospel ( a must-read book on God's grace.): "I could more easily contain Niagra Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God."
Have a good week......
Sarah Michelle.
I was able to go on my first pass last weekend. My parents and sister came up for the weekend and it was SO GOOD to just spend time with them. I got to get out for a little while, chew gum, drink coffee, and diet- mountain dew and watch a few episodes of Glee on the hotel tv. I was super proud of myself and here's why- we had to eat out all weekend, which is a huge challenge for me. It's hard to eat out for one meal, but I did it Friday through Sunday! And I'm proud to say I've graduated from lettuce and diet coke to salad (with dressing and chicken) and diet coke. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was. Maybe next time I'll even venture awaway from salads. (reminder...you even had pancakes at Ihop......mom).
This week has had it's highs and lows but there's not much to report. I still feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. You would think with all the other times I've been in treatment I'd "get the hang of it," but no, that doesn't happen. Some people have asked me if it's like being at camp. I don't know what kind of camps you've been to, but my memories of camp don't include doctors, nurses, feeding tubes, therapy, holds, and Code 3's. Here, meltdowns are normal- daily even, as are tantrums and fainting.
Being in a house of 30-something women dealing with real hurts is tough, overwhelming, draining. You feel for for the girl who is in the corner crying because it may have been you the day before. It's hard enough to be hurting- but to see several dozen other girls hurting? It makes my heart hurt. One quote I found this week that helps me: "At least this pain is that of recovery-the other (pain) was a dead-end." So I will keep fighting, because I trust that the battle has already been won, thanks to what Jesus did for me. ANd I will reflect on this incredible quote from The Ragamuffin Gospel ( a must-read book on God's grace.): "I could more easily contain Niagra Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God."
Have a good week......
Sarah Michelle.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
HEADING TOWARDS THE PROMISED LAND
Did you know that it took the Israelites 40 years to get into the Promised Land, but the journey itself from Egypt to this new place was only an 11 day trip? So what took 4 DECADES could have been done in a week and a half! Instead, they wandered around the same old mountain lost and confused.
How often do we do the same? Some big mountain stands in our way to freedom, but we just stare at it and stay stuck in the wilderness. We get tired, complain, and ask God what the heck He's thinking putting this mountain in our way.
I'll admit, I've done it. I still do it. I've wandered around my own little "mountain range" for 7 years. There have been times I have seen glimpses of the Promised Land, and there have also been times I've gotten pretty mad at God for "leaving me" in the wilderness. Sometimes I get so stubborn that I resort to what I know....but that only keeps me stuck in the wilderness and out of freedom.
Need an example? I'm an avid rule-follower. You don't need to know me that well to know tha I'm basically pro-rules. I think the most trouble I've ever gotten in (and quite honestly, the only trouble I can REMEMBER getting in) involved 3 rolls of toilet paper. WORD TO THE WISE: if you're in the hospital and you're bored and think it would be funny if you and your friends toilet papered the dining room, it's not. Not at all. (although looking back on it might be!) I digress...where was I? Rule-follower. Ok. I'm a rule-follower EXCEPT when it comes to doing things that are self-destructive. SO this week, I saw the mountains that were before me. And I started to doubt myself and became discouraged. Because without God I can't do this. So instead of facing a tough situation, I ran. I broke some "rules" here at Mercy, and I had to deal with the consequences. What did I realize this week? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THE WILDERNESS ANYMORE. I have to make a choice each day to move towards freedom.
The Israelites got right to the border of the Promised Land and they didn't want to go in to take the land. They were too scared. They doubted. And so they waited another 40 years before going in. I don't want to sit at he border, debating whether or not I want freedom. I want it.
Deuteronomy 1:6 says, "The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, you have dwelt long enough on this mountain."
The Israeilites needed to move on. They needed to leave the wilderness and take the land that God had promised. I need to do the same. Crossing over is difficult and painful, but like Deuteronomy says, I've dwelt on this for far too long.
Love, Sarah
How often do we do the same? Some big mountain stands in our way to freedom, but we just stare at it and stay stuck in the wilderness. We get tired, complain, and ask God what the heck He's thinking putting this mountain in our way.
I'll admit, I've done it. I still do it. I've wandered around my own little "mountain range" for 7 years. There have been times I have seen glimpses of the Promised Land, and there have also been times I've gotten pretty mad at God for "leaving me" in the wilderness. Sometimes I get so stubborn that I resort to what I know....but that only keeps me stuck in the wilderness and out of freedom.
Need an example? I'm an avid rule-follower. You don't need to know me that well to know tha I'm basically pro-rules. I think the most trouble I've ever gotten in (and quite honestly, the only trouble I can REMEMBER getting in) involved 3 rolls of toilet paper. WORD TO THE WISE: if you're in the hospital and you're bored and think it would be funny if you and your friends toilet papered the dining room, it's not. Not at all. (although looking back on it might be!) I digress...where was I? Rule-follower. Ok. I'm a rule-follower EXCEPT when it comes to doing things that are self-destructive. SO this week, I saw the mountains that were before me. And I started to doubt myself and became discouraged. Because without God I can't do this. So instead of facing a tough situation, I ran. I broke some "rules" here at Mercy, and I had to deal with the consequences. What did I realize this week? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THE WILDERNESS ANYMORE. I have to make a choice each day to move towards freedom.
The Israelites got right to the border of the Promised Land and they didn't want to go in to take the land. They were too scared. They doubted. And so they waited another 40 years before going in. I don't want to sit at he border, debating whether or not I want freedom. I want it.
Deuteronomy 1:6 says, "The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, you have dwelt long enough on this mountain."
The Israeilites needed to move on. They needed to leave the wilderness and take the land that God had promised. I need to do the same. Crossing over is difficult and painful, but like Deuteronomy says, I've dwelt on this for far too long.
Love, Sarah
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A Lesson in Love......and Grace
Monday was Valentine's Day. By the time you, my faithful followers, read this, it will probably have been two Mondays ago. I'm rabbit-trailing already. All you need to know was that Valentine's Day was this week. Ok...re-focus.
So this week, God has been showing me how much I am loved, and I am blown away. He has used a bunch of people whom I both do and don't know, to remind me. Monday morning, all 30 something of us girls were given hand-made Valentines from a local church. Then at night, we got more hand-made Valentines from a DIFFERENT church group. And THEN another church group came and gave us each a balloon and a goodie bag. They even presonalized the balloons with our names. Then the next day, we each got more goodie bags from the church we go to, Sunset Christian Center. AND THEN (yes, there's MORE!), a lady from Sunset brought us thirty four DOZEN roses. Thirty four DOZEN. We were so blessed this week! To top it off, I got nearly 20 cards on Valentine's Day and more on the days to follow. A very sweet friend of mine sent me beautiful flowers and a purse that she crocheted for me. And then the box that gave me the biggest smile......I ran around the house showing off it's contents to EVERYONE. The box was from my Valentine. My Valentine is the cutest boy in the entire world. He's a stud, let me tell you. He has such a big smile and I love him so much. My godson, Chaysen James Conklin. There were pictures of him holding a bear and then he (and Lauren..hahah) sent the bear to me. Future Valentine's have a high standard to meet. If you haven't seen this little boy, go look at pictures on facebook. Your heart will melt, and if it doesn't, you don't have a heart. True story.
So in the meantime, God has been saying, "Hey Sarah, wake UP! I love you. Not only that, but I actually LIKE you, too." It's such a SIMPLE yet profound concept. The Creator of the universe loves....me.
Which brings me to grace. I realize I am a stinkin' mess of a human being. You are, too. Sorry if I bursted your bubble. But think about it, we don't deserve God's love, but he FREELY gives it to us. Grace. AMAZING GRACE.
So my big issue is accepting that grace. I know I don't deserve it, so I work really hard to "earn" it. Or I punish myself because I know I don't deserve it. (enter eating disorder and self-harm.) Neither option is getting me anywhere. So I've spent the last week really reflecting on this GIFT. God couldn't love me anymore or any less. It's not what I do, it's who I am in Christ.
Those are my thoughts for this week. Last little update for you, since I've said I would update ya'll on the ups and downs on my journey. Notice how I said "ya'll?" I'm living with girls from all over the country. I'm praying I don't come home saying "hecka." Anyways, I'm working through a lot of stuff, and I take it out on the food. So lately, because I've been dealing with a million emotions, meals have become even HARDER. Last night, for example, we had a dinner that could be considered a staple in the American diet, but to me, it's one of the "scariest" foods I could eat. I ate it, but let me tell you, I sobbed. It was one of those pathetic, shoulder-heaving, mascara-down-the-face, I want-my-mamma kind of sobs. It was embarassing. Thankfully, a lot of the girls here understand because they've dealt with the same thing. Anyways, my whole point in telling you all this is because I need some prayer. Please pray along with me. Pray for endurance, because this is a long, draining, every-day battle. But I'm in it to WIN IT.
Love, Sarah.
So this week, God has been showing me how much I am loved, and I am blown away. He has used a bunch of people whom I both do and don't know, to remind me. Monday morning, all 30 something of us girls were given hand-made Valentines from a local church. Then at night, we got more hand-made Valentines from a DIFFERENT church group. And THEN another church group came and gave us each a balloon and a goodie bag. They even presonalized the balloons with our names. Then the next day, we each got more goodie bags from the church we go to, Sunset Christian Center. AND THEN (yes, there's MORE!), a lady from Sunset brought us thirty four DOZEN roses. Thirty four DOZEN. We were so blessed this week! To top it off, I got nearly 20 cards on Valentine's Day and more on the days to follow. A very sweet friend of mine sent me beautiful flowers and a purse that she crocheted for me. And then the box that gave me the biggest smile......I ran around the house showing off it's contents to EVERYONE. The box was from my Valentine. My Valentine is the cutest boy in the entire world. He's a stud, let me tell you. He has such a big smile and I love him so much. My godson, Chaysen James Conklin. There were pictures of him holding a bear and then he (and Lauren..hahah) sent the bear to me. Future Valentine's have a high standard to meet. If you haven't seen this little boy, go look at pictures on facebook. Your heart will melt, and if it doesn't, you don't have a heart. True story.
So in the meantime, God has been saying, "Hey Sarah, wake UP! I love you. Not only that, but I actually LIKE you, too." It's such a SIMPLE yet profound concept. The Creator of the universe loves....me.
Which brings me to grace. I realize I am a stinkin' mess of a human being. You are, too. Sorry if I bursted your bubble. But think about it, we don't deserve God's love, but he FREELY gives it to us. Grace. AMAZING GRACE.
So my big issue is accepting that grace. I know I don't deserve it, so I work really hard to "earn" it. Or I punish myself because I know I don't deserve it. (enter eating disorder and self-harm.) Neither option is getting me anywhere. So I've spent the last week really reflecting on this GIFT. God couldn't love me anymore or any less. It's not what I do, it's who I am in Christ.
Those are my thoughts for this week. Last little update for you, since I've said I would update ya'll on the ups and downs on my journey. Notice how I said "ya'll?" I'm living with girls from all over the country. I'm praying I don't come home saying "hecka." Anyways, I'm working through a lot of stuff, and I take it out on the food. So lately, because I've been dealing with a million emotions, meals have become even HARDER. Last night, for example, we had a dinner that could be considered a staple in the American diet, but to me, it's one of the "scariest" foods I could eat. I ate it, but let me tell you, I sobbed. It was one of those pathetic, shoulder-heaving, mascara-down-the-face, I want-my-mamma kind of sobs. It was embarassing. Thankfully, a lot of the girls here understand because they've dealt with the same thing. Anyways, my whole point in telling you all this is because I need some prayer. Please pray along with me. Pray for endurance, because this is a long, draining, every-day battle. But I'm in it to WIN IT.
Love, Sarah.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
PRAYER OF HOPE
To all the peolple I've met along my journey....my Remuda lovelies, my ABC girls, my EDIOP ladies, my BHC ladies and gents, Adult 1 and Adult 2 folk, and my KMHC peeps:
YOU ARE ON MY HEART TONIGHT. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU PEACE, PERSERVERENCE, AND HOPE. ALTHOUGH WE DIDN'T MEET IN THE BEST CIRCUMSTANCES, I'M THANKFUL THAT WE HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET. WHETHER WE JUST KNOW EACH OTHER BY NAME OR WE SHARED OUR HURTS AND HOPES, I'M PRAYING FOR YOU. I CARE ABOUT YOU. AND EACH ONE OF YOU DESERVES TO LIVE IN FREEDOM. MAY YOU FIND THAT FREEDOM AS YOU PRESS IN TO GOD. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU DESERVE FREEDOM. TO THOSE WHO BECAME FRIENDS OR SISTERS, I LOVE YOU AND AM THANKFUL FOR YOU. KEEP GOING! TO THE WONDERFUL LADIES I HAVE COME TO KNOW OUTSIDE OF A PROGRAM (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I AM PRAYING FOR YOU, TOO. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU ENDURANCE FOR THE DAYS YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP. I PRAY FOR PEACE WHEN THINGS GET OVERWHELIMING AND THAT NASTLY LITTLE F WORD POPS INTO YOUR MIND. (F FOR FAT, OF COURSE.....GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. SHEESH!)
AND I PRAY FOR FIESTY-NESS TO COME OUT SWINGING!
LOVE, SARAH
YOU ARE ON MY HEART TONIGHT. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU PEACE, PERSERVERENCE, AND HOPE. ALTHOUGH WE DIDN'T MEET IN THE BEST CIRCUMSTANCES, I'M THANKFUL THAT WE HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET. WHETHER WE JUST KNOW EACH OTHER BY NAME OR WE SHARED OUR HURTS AND HOPES, I'M PRAYING FOR YOU. I CARE ABOUT YOU. AND EACH ONE OF YOU DESERVES TO LIVE IN FREEDOM. MAY YOU FIND THAT FREEDOM AS YOU PRESS IN TO GOD. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU DESERVE FREEDOM. TO THOSE WHO BECAME FRIENDS OR SISTERS, I LOVE YOU AND AM THANKFUL FOR YOU. KEEP GOING! TO THE WONDERFUL LADIES I HAVE COME TO KNOW OUTSIDE OF A PROGRAM (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I AM PRAYING FOR YOU, TOO. I PRAY THAT GOD GIVES YOU ENDURANCE FOR THE DAYS YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP. I PRAY FOR PEACE WHEN THINGS GET OVERWHELIMING AND THAT NASTLY LITTLE F WORD POPS INTO YOUR MIND. (F FOR FAT, OF COURSE.....GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. SHEESH!)
AND I PRAY FOR FIESTY-NESS TO COME OUT SWINGING!
LOVE, SARAH
Saturday, February 5, 2011
ALL THAT I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW
I'm keeping this blog entry short and simple. This program is tough, and I really want to give up and go home. I have little energy to fight. But I give all that I have because I want freedom more. There's a song that's been re-playing in my head the last few days that I thought I'd share. Look it up and listen.
All That I Can Say....David Crowder
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, thats my everything
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
Love, Sarah
All That I Can Say....David Crowder
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, thats my everything
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
Love, Sarah
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