NIAGRA FALLS

Today, March 11, is my 2 month "Mercy-versary". I can't believe I'm at the 2 month mark. Time seems to have flown by AND dragged on at the same time.
I was able to go on my first pass last weekend. My parents and sister came up for the weekend and it was SO GOOD to just spend time with them. I got to get out for a little while, chew gum, drink coffee, and diet- mountain dew and watch a few episodes of Glee on the hotel tv. I was super proud of myself and here's why- we had to eat out all weekend, which is a huge challenge for me. It's hard to eat out for one meal, but I did it Friday through Sunday! And I'm proud to say I've graduated from lettuce and diet coke to salad (with dressing and chicken) and diet coke. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was. Maybe next time I'll even venture awaway from salads. (reminder...you even had pancakes at Ihop......mom).
This week has had it's highs and lows but there's not much to report. I still feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. You would think with all the other times I've been in treatment I'd "get the hang of it," but no, that doesn't happen. Some people have asked me if it's like being at camp. I don't know what kind of camps you've been to, but my memories of camp don't include doctors, nurses, feeding tubes, therapy, holds, and Code 3's. Here, meltdowns are normal- daily even, as are tantrums and fainting.
Being in a house of 30-something women dealing with real hurts is tough, overwhelming, draining. You feel for for the girl who is in the corner crying because it may have been you the day before. It's hard enough to be hurting- but to see several dozen other girls hurting? It makes my heart hurt. One quote I found this week that helps me: "At least this pain is that of recovery-the other (pain) was a dead-end." So I will keep fighting, because I trust that the battle has already been won, thanks to what Jesus did for me. ANd I will reflect on this incredible quote from The Ragamuffin Gospel ( a must-read book on God's grace.): "I could more easily contain Niagra Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God."

Have a good week......
Sarah Michelle.