PRAYER AND SURRENDER

Hello faithful followers! I hope everyone is doing well. I have been so overwhelmed this week. I'll be honest I've cried a lot and wanted to come back home many times. A few days ago I had a meeting with my dietician and my fitness coordinator. I was told I need to gain more weight because I am still not in a healthy weight range. I guess that has to do with my eating habits before I came in (duh) and the fact that I kinda, sorta bargained with my dietician at BHC in order to stay in a semi-safe state. Anyways, I started bawling and arguing that my goal weight range could not possibly match up with what these women were telling me. I thought I was done gaining weight and here I am finding out I still have a bit to go. So many fears and concerns were rushing through my mind. As I continued to give my pathetic reasons that they were, well, wrong, she gave me a contract saying tht I would commit to gaining said weight. They told me I didn't have to sign it right away, so I left their office angry and wondering where my suitcases were. There was no way I would gain that weight. Nope, I decided I needed to go home. So let me just tell you that God know just how to stop you in your tracks. While I was thinking about how I would tell my parents, I put in a cd my counselor gave as an assignment about addiction. Joyce Meyer said something like, "Many people feel ready to let God heal them until they realize they have to surrender it ALL to Him." Huh....ok, God, I get it. There are still things I need to let go of. Fine. But I'm still so unsure of this program. I know you can heal me. I'm not concerned about that. I'm concerned about my stubborness getting in the way.
So the next day, I'm still thinking that I need to go home. The weight
issue aside, this program is INTENSE and I'm homesick. There's a song on in the backround and I hear
"Bring me joy, bring me peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that gives you glory.
And I know there will be days
When this life bring me pain,
But if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus, bring the rain."

My thought: "Ohhhhhhh crapppppp. THis IS where You want me right now,God, isn't it?"
So I prayed, asking that God will help me to surrender EVERYTHING at the cross. It's something I have to do everyday. But I trust that He is faithful and will finish His work in me. (Phil 1:6)

Love, Sarah